无奈。。。不知所措。。。

Trying to express something for a friend (我似乎能体会你的感受）:
There were many occasions in life that we seemingly walked to a cross road junction and then realised that we do not know which way to go. Sometimes, we chose the wrong way, but there were times when we were lead by instincts and made the right decision. Most of the time, we're just lost, we're not sure which way to go

"I've just reached a particular point in life where I feel so confused, lost, but yet I knew exactly what was going on and what happened. It's such a complicated and mixed up feeling that I can't even put it down in words. It's like 我很享受你给我的温暖，关心，爱心和支持。环绕在你的身边是我最喜欢的一件事，喜欢看着你，喜欢听到你温柔的声音，喜欢你的味道，喜欢你的眼睛，期待你的来电，期待你会多看我一眼，期待你能天天陪着我，期待着你对我微笑。没有你我很难呼吸，没有你我会没有胃口，会不想起床。
可是，因为害怕，因为知道我们不会有结果，因为不知道你对我到底是什么感觉，为了不让自己受到伤害，为了不让你感到尴尬， 我必须让你走。为什么你要来挑动我的心呢？我该怎么办呢？
那，你还会继续待在我的身边吗？你会走过来吗？你会想我吗？"

But, which way to go? Cross road junction is not somewhere I wanna be, but once I've reached it, I'll have to learn to be responsible for any decision made!

What comes after the tears?

Regrets - many of us experienced that at different point of our lives. I just did! I didn't get to visit my cousin and say goodbye to him before he went home to be with the Lord.
As long as I can remember, growing up was always like 7 in e family, my parents, both my grandmas, my brother, me and my cousin! He stayed with us whenever he didn't have to travel, you see, he was a sailor. Childhood memories of him bringing us toys, clothings, accessories whenever he came back from a long trip always warm my heart. He loved music. In fact, it was because of his love of music that I started playing the piano. It all started when my mother and my uncle each bought a piano, even before I was conceived! Mum was hoping that after I was born, I would pick it up, as no one in the family was musically inclined, except my cousin Joseph. Whenever he was in town, piano practice became a chore! He would sit right next to me and forced me to practice. I remember the time when he wanted me to learn the song: The Maiden's Prayer, I cried, cos my fingers were not long enough to press all the octaves (I was only 9), so I had my neighbour to help me 'pull' and stretch my thumbs and pinkies apart everyday. Ouch! But the satisfaction was whenever I started playing the piano, my dad and cousin would close their eyes and enjoy the music! It was years later that I started loving music! And I have to thank my cousin for that! I am where I am today serving God because of this love of music! What a deep impact that was!
When we last visited him, he was already hallucinating, telling us that he was being locked and trapped inside the house. He wanted us to help him get out. But yet, he talked sense at times, especially everytime when we prayed for him. Before we left, he begged us to stay and keep him company. He told us he was lonely and afraid. He said he had no one beside him. His eyes were filled with plea. My heart ached! We had to leave!
What now? Now that he's gone? I wished I was there yesterday! I wished I knew he was going! I wished! But what now?
Well, after the natural process of grieving is over, we have to pick ourselves up and move on! Not that we want to forget him, but like one of my dear friend mentioned before,now we have to make everyday of our lives count! Making it worth! Making a difference! I want to impact someone else's life too, just like my cousin. At the end of the day, what would my life count for depends on how I live it now!

My Sister's Keeper - review

It's a little bit social and a little bit leukemia awareness.
I was very excited when I realised that there was going to be a movie on this popular novel by Jodi Picoult. The movie followed mostly closed to the original novel but added it's own twist at the end, I guess it was to make it more appealling to the movie-goers. Cameron Diaz played a very convincing role as a mother, one who would do anything to protect her child, although one wonders if one was in her shoes, would one have reacted the same way too? Conceiving another child for the sake of saving one seems a bit complex, intriguing and troubling. The climax of the movie started when Anna decided to sue her parents and wanted to have the legal rights to her own body as she was tired of always being put under the knife to help her sister. But it doesn't end there! Throughout the movie, you could see the inner struggles every family member went through as they learn to accept the different believes and opinions of each other. There were times of joy, sadness, pain, helplessness and even strength portrayed as the characters developed throughout the movie. The movie kept having flashbacks and one has to get used to and knowing when is the 'present' and when is the 'past'. On the whole, it was a good movie but not one that draws you emotionally and deeply. I would rate it as 3.5/5

What 'Friendship' means to me:

Came across some beautiful quotes about 'Friendship', something I treasure very much. To all my friends, this is for you:
1. A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. ~Douglas Pagels
2. Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
3. The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. ~Elbert Hubbard, The Notebook, 1927
4. True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. ~Dave Tyson Gentry
5. The language of friendship is not words but meanings. ~Henry David Thoreau
6. My friends are my estate ~Emily Dickinson
7. A friend is one who walks in when others walk out ~Walter Winchell

Emotions - a roller coaster ride!

What would the world be if there were no emotions in it? Can you picture a mother who doesn't feel any fear when she can't find her child? Or a husband not feeling jealous seeing his wife holding another man's hands? Or a loved one has still not arrived home after many hours and not be worried about it? Or a student waiting for his results without any anxiety? Or not being angry at someone snatching a bag from a helpless old lady? Yes, what a disaster! But then again, these are negative emotions! Emotions affect our reaction, decision and choices! Most of the time, these negative emotions also bring us emotionally, mentally and even spiritually down!
But are emotions bad for us? NO! God made us filled with feelings! Feelings of emotions!
Then what should we feel? The Bible says in Philippians 4:8

'Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think his dabout these things.'

Who knows? Maybe things are not like what it seems? Maybe the mother is not fearful because she knew that the child is safe with his dad? Or the husband is not jealous because his wife is holding her father's hand? Or the loved one has not reached home yet because he had a flat tyre? Or the student not anxious because she studied real hard? Or that the thief who snatched from the old lady was stopped by the police just around the corner?
I remembered an old song: ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!!! In this dark and gloomy world, we need to be different because we know where and who can we go to for LOVE, JOY and PEACE as our domineering emotions!
Lord, teach me to constantly look towards you, to show forth Your love, Your joy and Your peace by displaying all these Positive emotions in and through me!

Regrets?

Have you ever wanted to do something and by the time you did it, you'd regret it afterwards? I have.
You see, I came across the Samsung website and saw that I could upgrade my phone's system. Being curious and not wanting to let slip this opportunity, I upgraded my phone. I followed diligently the instruction given and was very pleased when everything went smoothly! Imagine the shock when I started scrolling through my phone and found out that everything was back to factory setting, with an upgraded system! Everything was lost! All my contacts, my files and folders, my documents, my calendar appointments, EVERYTHING!!! Then I tried calling it back from the laptop by sync-ing it, but even those on my laptop was gone! I regreted it so much cos it'll take me many weeks to start all over again!
But after the initial heart-breaking feeling is over, you start to wonder, maybe it's really time to just move on, and use this time to start getting in touch with people, start talking to them, using the excuse of wanting their phone number to start getting to know them better, etc.
Well, in everything give thanks for this is the will of God!

Never live in regrets, just move on and see the beautiful rainbow after the rain!

Patience - Fruit of the Spirit!

Patience is a virtue. Patience is part of the Fruit of the Spirit. Patience is a test of character.
But yet, to acquire Patience itself needs patience too. Too many times in life, the moment you think you've 'collected' enough, situation just 'conveniently' swing by to test your patience and most of the time, that small level of patience seems to be at the edge of snapping.
You need patience for everything. Patience when you are learning new things/skills, patience in office or school, patience when dealing with people, patience when parenting, patience when at the cross road junction waiting for the traffic light to change, patience when we feel hurt or misunderstood, patience when we are in the wrong and need forgiveness, patience even when waiting for our cup to be filled with water when we need a drink!
Sometimes I really wonder, is it really working? To hold on to my patience, and pray that the situation will just get better? or just let myself go and pick up the pieces after the big explosion? I guess that is the time when we have to weigh the consequences, bite the bullet and let God's peace and patience and L-O-N-G S-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G take over.
I need patience to be patient!

Looking at even the most minute things in life requires of it, Lord, I need more patience! Teach me Lord!

What is your cup?

A cup is a type of container from which a drink is consumed. It can be coffee, tea, milk, fizzy drinks, herbal tea or even just water. But I just learned from someone that she actually uses different cups for different drinks. A glass cup is used for drinks like milk or bandung, cos you can actually see the purity of the drink before you bring it close to your mouth. But once you use a cup for coffee, that cup should not be used for any other drinks, as we do not want to mix the taste of other drinks into the cup. How true it is, that we never really see a cup as close as that.

But what about us? Are we a 'cup' that is used for many different kinds of 'drinks'?

We need a daily filling of the Lord's presence and His Holy Spirit. But along the way, there seems to be many kinds of 'rubbish' in the world that flood our mind. Do we use e same 'cup' to fill all those too? Are we mixing the different kinds of 'drinks'? Are we polluting our mind and heart?

Let's be a designated cup, only to be used for one kind of drink! Cheers!

A Beautiful Heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town
proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.
A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect.
There was not a mark or a flaw in it.
Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen.
The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said,
"Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart.
It was beating strongly ... but it was full of scars ...
it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in ...
but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges.
In fact ... in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.
The people stared ... how can he say his heart is more beautiful ... they thought?

The young man looked at the old man's heart ... and saw its state and laughed.
"You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine ...
mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
"Yes" ... said the old man ... "yours is perfect looking but ...
I would never trade with you.
You see ... every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love ...
I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them ...
and often they give me a piece of their heart
which fits into the empty place in my heart ...
but because the pieces aren't exact ...
I have some rough edges ... which I cherish ...
because they remind me of the love we shared.

Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away ...
and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me.
These are the empty gouges ... giving love is taking a chance.
Although these gouges are painful ...
they stay open ... reminding me of the love I have for these people too ...
and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting.
So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks.
He walked up to the old man ... reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart ...
and ripped a piece out.
He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.
The old man took his offering ... placed it in his heart ...
and then took a piece from his old scarred heart ...
and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart.
It fit ... but not perfectly ... as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart ...
not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever ...
since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.
They embraced and walked away side by side.
-Author Unknown-

I'm so blessed!!!

Have you ever stopped doing what you were doing and just sit back, look back from where you were and realise that you have been through an amazing ride in life? I have!
Here I am, a not so noticable, not too smart, not too talented nor am I gifted, but yet, I felt so favoured by the Lord that He has blessed me with all that I needed in life: a wonderful husband, a beautiful family, a healthy and fulfilled life, talents that seemingly can bless others, a career that lets me do what I love to do, friends that are ever so dear and special to me, what else can I ask for???
What about you? Why don't you stop for just a little while, look back, be thankful and just enjoy what the Lord has blessed you?
I am blessed! Are you??

GOOD NEWS SINGAPORE

Good News Singapore - 10th to 12th April 2009, Singapore Indoor Stadium
Preparation work begun as early as last year 2008.
Our church has not been organising such big crusade for a while and everybody was excited about it.
I must say the publicity team did really great with all the video presentations, the outstanding handbills and all.
We had fun doing the handbill saturation, everyone was enthusiatic and really looking forward the event.
When news of people coming to the event from as far as China, Vietnam and Indonesia, we were really excited. We were also told of the many opportunities where church members were able to invite people to the event.
When the day came, the stadium was packed FULL on Friday night and even the overflow hall was fully occupied.
When it was time for salvation respond, my heart teared to see so many gave their hearts to God.
When one soul get saved, the angels in heaven rejoices, seeing so many souls reponded to God, heaven must be having a party cum celebration!!!
I had a wonderful time with the choir too, as everyone was very responsive and served with their whole heart!
I was told that the choir, musicians and lead singers brought such a high impact to the congregation too, many really celebrated and worshipped as a church! Praise the Lord!
I'm so honoured to be part of this team!

Well, GNS was fantastic! Looking forward to the next one, perhaps next year?
:)

The Joy of the Lord is your strength!

Recently has been bombarded with a lot of bad, sad, unfair, sudden, difficult situation etc kind of news. From the media to even people I know of, down to my loved ones, it's been flooding our mind and heart and thoughts. But somehow, beyond all human efforts, solely based on God's promises, we can still find peace and joy in the midst of all these. Indeed the JOY of the Lord IS our strength. For those who are going through a rough patch, cling on!

1. Been missing a dear friend recently, and also just learned of another church brother's sudden demise, I do feel saddened. But all glory to God, I know He is enjoying their company up in heaven :)
2. Also been counselling friends who are going through difficult times, esp in their marriages. It's emotionally very draining, zapping all my emotional, mental n physical energy. But all glory to God, He has been giving me wisdom as to how to help them along.
3. Feeling a little uncertain about what our future holds, esp since I am not working full time anymore, but doing the things that I love to do, I'm still fearful about sudden 'rainy' days, should there be any. But all glory to God, His peace and His presence has always surrounds me everytime I turn to Him.

Last but not least, I'm thankful that whenever I need Him, even if I was just looking for His love, His peace, His joy, His Word of encouragement, His hand of comfort, HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME!!!!

I love Him! Very much!!

Human Nature

Why? I really question why there are so many different kinds of people in the world. I always think that those TV dramas were too exaggerated, esp some story lines n plot, n e human nature displayed were so unrealistic. Well, I WAS WRONG!
Never would I imagine meeting people of every kind, people who would back stab you, people who would try and make you a scapegoat, people who would take advantage of you (every single ounce of it) etc. I was not rightly treated, was very hurt and angry :'( I felt injustice and had an impulse to defend back! I wanted to shout back: 你把我当草，可是也有很多人把我当宝！I am of value, esp in the eyes of God!
I have to learn to lay it at the feet of the cross, let go and let God! Let God be my vindicator!
I really thank God that in times like this, I have a God that I can rely on.
God is good!

Good News Singapore!

Back from China

It's been so long since I've updated my blog. Haiz, I must say, I'm getting a bit lazy liao :P
I just came back from China, out there for 13 days for Ministry work. Had the best time of my life there cos I was able to work with a group fantastic musicians/servants of the Lord! I've never felt so at home serving together with them! They are indeed the best bunch ever!!!! Thank you guys!!!!
More photos will be uploaded later :)
In the meantime, you can check out some photos in my facebook :)
God bless you all and thanks for praying!!!