身不由己！

你有没有这种经验，觉得自己好像活在别人的世界，过着属于别人的生活，自己好像是人生的傀儡，有一种身不由己的感觉？人生就真的是那么的残忍吗？一旦走错了一步，就真的要赔上一生吗？站在十字路口时，发现自己原来有选择权，只是以前怎么都不知道？好像是一只老鹰被锁在一间小房间，不能飞得高，飞得远。是幻觉吗？还是想太多了呢？为什么会觉得好像快要失去自我了呢？好像一只失去了飞翔能力的老鹰，变成了一只小鹦鹉，只能在小房子里生活。人都会向往着能自由的飞翔。。。我也一样！

想念一个人 - 好难受！

想念一个人是什么滋味？就好像喝了一杯加料的热咖啡，苦苦的，心口是热热的，顿时间，鼻子酸溜溜的，眼睛里充满了泪水，有生病的感觉，却没有药可以治疗这伤痛。想念着你时，心里好像世界上的空气，突然都变质了，好难呼吸！虽然一直跟自己说，不要再想你了，可是心里就是不听话，偏偏要往痛苦的方向走，好像在惩罚自己，让痛苦来掩盖对你的思念。想念，每一个动作都比以前慢了半拍，每一个眼神都比以前淡了一个色调，不想动，不想做任何事，只想想念，于是，每一个转身，每一个念头，每一个叹息都会衍生出更多的思念。。。我只想说：我好想你！不知道你是否也像我一样在想你。

The God of giving!

God always amazes me!

I needed a digital piano, as the previous one has given up it's ghost. I researched for one on the internet, but came to a conclusion that I really couldn't afford to get any as they were too costly! There was a particular brand and model that I love, but it has since been a discontinued item - Yamaha P200! I would LOVE to have one! I love the sound, the touch of it so much, that I even offered to babysit the one in church, should there be any chance if they are getting a new one, ha ha! Than I took a bold step by asking God to bless me with a digital piano - doesn't matter which brand, which model, cos you know, beggars cant be choosers right?

In the midst of it, I also asked God to open doors for me, especially in the area of career advancement. Not long after I prayed, God answered!

First it was a call from my friend's aunt. She told me that the digital piano that she inherited from my friend is no longer in use, as her daughter has stopped playing on it, and is now sitting in the storeroom! She wanted to GIVE it to me, but told me that I needed to repair it, as it may no longer be working. Without any hesitation (I took it that it was from the Lord), I arranged to pick it up from her place. Once we reached home, I kept praying that it is not faulty, or at least not too damaged till the point of no repair. Then imagine the smile on my face when we first switched it on, and hearing the sound for the first time! Of cos it still needed a little bit of repair, but thank God because it's just a minor fault! Best part of it, it is a Yamaha P200! My dream piano!

Next came another surprise! One of my friend called me telling me that he has a business proposal. We sat down, talked about it, prayed about it and felt that we should go ahead with it! Guess what? I got another digital piano from there too! And just so happens that one of my friend's student wanted to let go her well-maintained Kurzweil piano at a very good rate! Everything seems to be so well co-ordinated! And as if that is not amazing enough, He opened the door for me to get a brand new laptop as well! How amazing can that be!

God is truly the God of giving! He blesses beyond what we can ask or even think of!

I learned that giving is not just an expression of love, it's an expression of giving of yourself! Thank you!

'God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?"' ~William A. Ward

'You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.' ~Author Unknown

'What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.' ~Eleanor Powell

An opened door?

When a door is open for you, do you ever wonder whether is it from the Lord? Or do you still stick to what you've been doing all the while, knowing that you've always been asking for an open doors and now it's right before your eyes? How do you determine what is right or wrong for you? I know we're supposed to pray and ask God for answer and direction, but sometimes it's kind of a contradiction, because here we are, wanting a way out and praying about it, then seemingly the Lord opened the way but we ask, 'is that You Lord?'. Are we stubborn mules who refuse to move just because we're comfortable in the known, and uncomfortable in the unknown? Why is it that when we come to situations concerning our own self, everything becomes so magnified and decisions seem to be difficult to make? Who are you? What would you do?

Leave me alone!

Ever been discouraged before? Ever felt that things are just not going the right way? Ever wondered what is happening?

I'm not sure how it happened, but it did! Just didn't know what was going on, had the feeling that seemingly all these discouraging factors ganged up against me and all things good went on strike today! It was supposed to be a great day, much anticipation for the evening healing rally, after seeing so many miracles the night before! But what happened along the way? Why are people behaving so differently? So many 'whys' but so little answer.

I wanted to scream 'Leave me alone'. Suddenly. I just wanted to move away from the crowd, from everyone! I just wanted to be alone! But yet, I wanted someone to be with me, to lift me up, to encourage me, to love me, to affirm me, to assure me that I'm doing well, I'm doing what is right, I'm worth it!

Strange how humans can go through emotional roller coaster and yet, still wonders what went wrong! Haiz! Aren't we a funny bunch?

Who is going to be there for me? Who will lift me up, encourage me, love me, affirm me and assure me? Besides God, the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, I don't know who else? We can't be always dependent on people, because human beings will fail us, but yet, we look to them for all our comfort needs!

Maybe it's because people disappoints us in so many ways that we start to take it personally. Haha!

Well, I will never be alone, because He is always with me! How true and incredible that actually is! He will always be with me!!!

我快要放弃了 :(

我受不了了！已经没有坚持的力气了。放弃吧！因为我累了 :(

无奈。。。不知所措。。。

Trying to express something for a friend (我似乎能体会你的感受）:
There were many occasions in life that we seemingly walked to a cross road junction and then realised that we do not know which way to go. Sometimes, we chose the wrong way, but there were times when we were lead by instincts and made the right decision. Most of the time, we're just lost, we're not sure which way to go

"I've just reached a particular point in life where I feel so confused, lost, but yet I knew exactly what was going on and what happened. It's such a complicated and mixed up feeling that I can't even put it down in words. It's like 我很享受你给我的温暖，关心，爱心和支持。环绕在你的身边是我最喜欢的一件事，喜欢看着你，喜欢听到你温柔的声音，喜欢你的味道，喜欢你的眼睛，期待你的来电，期待你会多看我一眼，期待你能天天陪着我，期待着你对我微笑。没有你我很难呼吸，没有你我会没有胃口，会不想起床。
可是，因为害怕，因为知道我们不会有结果，因为不知道你对我到底是什么感觉，为了不让自己受到伤害，为了不让你感到尴尬， 我必须让你走。为什么你要来挑动我的心呢？我该怎么办呢？
那，你还会继续待在我的身边吗？你会走过来吗？你会想我吗？"

But, which way to go? Cross road junction is not somewhere I wanna be, but once I've reached it, I'll have to learn to be responsible for any decision made!